My Life

2012-01-28T23:21:00.002+08:00

The effect of pirates "ruining" company's profits?
Absolutely none, considering that Ubisoft, Activision, EA, THQ, Sega, Norton, Adobe and Sony are still up and running.

Hence, imprisoning Kim Dotcom and refusing him bail is pure stupidity.
He wasn't even the perpetrator of most of the world's piracy operations.
Anybody who wants to look at the biggest should either go thepiratebay.com or isohunt.com

What's worse, some users upload their files with nonsensical names.
So why the hell was he imprisoned for no reason at all?

I don't think he wants to stay in his office every single day just to check if each file being uploaded is illegal.

Moreover, it's not him who steals anything.
Let's say if someone uploads Sony Vegas onto Dropbox.
It isn't Dropbox's fault that the person uploaded Sony Vegas up to their servers.
Am I not right?

Also, Kim does not have a single bit of control on who uses his service. The said person could be in Antarctica for all we know.

So Kim was imprisoned AND refused bail, had all his assets seized, had his company seized FOR A CRIME HE DID NOT COMMIT.

Share this to as many places as you can.

WE NEED JUSTICE BACK.
GET THE MAN OUT OF PRISON.
HE DID NOT COMMIT ANY CRIME.

2012-01-28T13:13:00.003+08:00

I've been mostly hibernating for these 2 days.

Sleeping early, waking up late, further sleeping in lectures and classes.

I feel really tired these few days.

I just don't feel like doing anything in the night.

I just lay down, then before I know it, I'm asleep.

I am perhaps tired.
Tired of life?

I find I don't have anything to do sometimes.
Everyday happens the same way or the other.

Wake up.
Go to school.
Attend lessons.
Skip some lessons.
Eat lunch.
Chat with friends.
Play cards.
Play with phone.
Bus ride.
Listen to music.
Back home.
Turn on computer.
Eat dinner.
Use computer.
Sleep.

What else can I do other than those?
I can't find the meaning to life at all.

Is that what it means to be living?
Finding the meaning of life?

Though I have dreams, but they aren't the meaning of life at all.
Not my meaning of life.

What does life really mean?
Is living really just living?
Isn't there anything further than living?

I want an answer to that.

2012-01-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

Time passes so quickly these few days.
New Year was gone in a flash.

So did 3 weeks.
And so did Chinese New Year.

Time just seems to speed up faster and faster.
It doesn't wait for anyone.

Before I know it, I'll be doing my NS Deferment.
Then I'll be taking my finals for Polytechnic A/Y 1.
Then holidays will be over before I know it.
After which, it'll be the start of Polytechnic A/Y 2.

Then time will fly, and I'll have graduated with a Diploma and awaiting NS enlistment.

What happens to all the time that has drifted away?
Where does the time I spend go?

Where did all the time I spent studying for my O levels go?
Where did all the time I spent in primary school go?
Where did all the time I spent in my childhood go?

Isn't it strange?
When you're a child, you want to grow up and be an adult so quickly.
But time never seems to quicken it's pace just for that wish itself.

And now, as an adult which I wanted to be so badly, I wish I could go back in time.

Back to being a child again.
Back to having the freedom of playing without a care in the world.
Back to having hopes and dreams which are now seemingly impossible.
Back to having superheroes save my world.
Back to the world revolving around me.

Time won't turn back no matter how hard we try.
Perhaps those people at CERN could use the LHC to find a way to find the Higgs Boson particle.
Or find a way to create use Kerr black holes as wormholes to travel back in time.

Or perhaps we should just live out our lives as we should and not alter the past, whether it is possible or not.

2012-01-24T21:14:00.000+08:00

Just how much have I changed since I graduated from Secondary 4 and went on to Polytechnic life?
Relatives said I changed a lot.

Over these past 3 days, I felt like I acted the same way as before.
Have I changed?

Somehow or rather, I also became more withdrawn.
At the same time however, I also became more outspoken.

Withdrawn towards my secondary school friends.
Outspoken towards other people.

So what am I, really?
Withdrawn or outspoken?

I have probably become more withdrawn to my secondary school mate and his friends due to me thinking that they're less mature.

But who is the less mature one?
Me or them?

While I don't appreciate people asking me what I am doing every now and then, who am I to judge since I did that to others in the past? I still do it now, if I have something in mind to do together with them, if not, I refrain from asking.

I really do not know if it is me who have changed a lot or it is them who know the true meaning of having fun.

But looking back at the Seoul Garden meal I had with my poly mates, I felt that was satisfying.
That that was fun, rather than sitting in front of the computer, skyping with people I couldn't see, getting "trolled" by them.

I suppose I've grown out of it. I don't think it is funny any longer. It's like rubbing salt into others' wounds. What's so fun about that? To make matters worse, I have a short fuse. Burns out fast, my temper rises fast as well.

Which leads me back to square one: Have I truly changed or I don't know how to have fun?

2012-01-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

Music is my life.

For one, I don't think I can live one day without listening to at least one song on my iTunes playlist.

Though I'm still wondering what really sparked my love of music.

My brother listening to Westlife/Backstreet Boys when I was still in Primary School?

Or was it when I first listened to a MJ song in Primary 4?

Or was it when I first picked up a guitar?

Or was it when I first listened to hard rock?

I never knew.

Though I can still safely say that music is my heart, music is my soul.

I can't live without music.

Especially without rock music.

Maybe it shouts out what I really want to say.

Maybe it teaches me how to be a person.

Maybe it releases all that is pent up inside of me.

First it was Linkin Park.

Then I got interested in Abingdon Boys School.

That was only the beginning of me listening to J-Rock.

After that came Aqua Timez, One Ok Rock, then SCANDAL.

When my ears desire softer music, YUI and Stereopony come into play, as well as T.M. Revolution, the leader of Abingdon Boys School as his solo project.

Here's a taste of what I usually listen to:

The thing that appeals to me the most about rock music are the vocals and the lead guitar.

These 2 things make the song come to life.

It makes me come to life.

2012-01-20T19:39:00.000+08:00

Music.

Something which encourages, something which motivates.

Something which is a great part of my life.

When playing the guitar back in Secondary 1 & 2, before the change of instructor, everyone played the same music. Everyone had the same scoresheet, even though each person played differently from the other. There was no segregation back then. No forcing of bass, rhythm nor lead guitars. Each person chose his/her own roles and made sure they did it well. Everyone had a fair chance of going lead, rhythm or bass guitars.

By the time I reached Secondary 3, together with a new instructor, I was forced into bass and I stayed there for one entire year, all the way past SYF and I was still stuck there. I could say that I was used to the freedom of choosing my own role.

But no.

It's like we were cast out from the ensemble. We were "taught" how to play, but all we ever had was a scoresheet, ourselves and usually the 5th/6th string on the lower frets. The instructor usually just threw the scoresheets to us, then we were left to our own devices. Since the bass was tailor made more for beginners, I would normally look through the scoresheet within 5 minutes then just leave it aside while waiting for the rhythm and lead guitars to finish practising. While doing so, we just sat around and chatted with guitars in hand.

We were then scolded for it. Fine. Practice we did. That one string, often without the rhythm and lead guitars. Without them there's no point in playing bass at all since it's just one string once in a while to bring out the music.

But when I started to play something else I learnt by myself, I would get scolded for playing something else that was apparently not what he gave me - the scoresheet.

So what happened to letting students show their potential?

What happened to letting students soar?

I couldn't even soar. I couldn't even spread my wings even if I wanted to.

I wasn't given a chance.

I still remember though, the instructor telling us to "put our index finger on the 6th string to bring out the sound."

I do know that it's called a power chord. He could've just told us that instead of treating one who has played the guitar for 2 years and another two (both were in the bass together with me) who have played the guitar for 1 year.

Perhaps that's when I really gave up on the instructor.

He didn't give up on me. I gave up on him.

I didn't want him as my teacher any longer.

That's why I'm trying to do something now.

I'm picking up my guitar again, learning everything from scratch again.

I don't need an instructor this time.

All I need now are my fingers, myself and my guitar.

But perhaps I did have fun. The jokes and all the random talk.

I don't regret it though.

2012-01-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

Things which aren't meant to be aren't meant to be.

No point in forcing yourself to face the false when the truth is right behind you.

Just take for example someone takes to calling another person an alien.

What most people would do is follow suit, even though the original person sees it as a joke.

Mostly, it will just escalate. Escalating till boiling point, that's when something happens.

The boiling point of each person differs. Some have long fuses, some have short fuses.

I am one with a short fuse, but I forget grudges easily.

I am not one to hold grudges.

Why? I don't like to. I don't like to hate.

Even though I force myself to hate, I just can't.

Even if the person has hurt me deeply, I still won't hold grudges though I still have the memory.

Though I get angry, I won't hate them for life.

People grow up afterall.

Knowing that, the point of hating is pointless.

As we grow older, as we advance in our lives, our mentality changes, our personality changes and our actions change as well. With that in mind, hating someone for life just doesn't work.

As the person grows, you hate.

As the person changes, you hate.

As the person learns to love, you hate.

I don't like to stay in the past. I want to move forward as time flows, as time goes by.

By hating, we're essentially staying in our past whereby we continuously think about what they do to us and try to reciprocate for it by hating.

Time continuously flows. I continuously grow. I continuously change.

2012-01-18T20:58:00.000+08:00

SOPA:

They're going to break the internet.

They will destroy the internet.

If the bill is passed, YouTube, Flickr, Facebook, Twitter, Wikipedia and most forums will be at risk of closing down.

If the bill is passed, OUR privacy will be at risk.

If the bill is passed, THE INTERNET IS DEAD.

If the bill is passed, not only America will be affected. THE ENTIRE WORLD WILL BE.

Spread the word.

STOP SOPA. A billion people against 31 legislators.

========================================================================

Sexuality.

A touchy issue.

One's sexuality is decided at childbirth. But how you want to change it, no one can stop you.

Sure one would get weird stares from others if a man wears a woman's clothing out, but it's just personal preference.

Relating from an incident that happened today, me and my friend were approached by a "woman". He spoke with a man's voice. Sure we were shocked. But being homophobic isn't the way to go.

Accept.

We have to learn to accept them. It's part of life to accept.

No matter race, language, sex, religion, acceptance is a part of life for everyone living on this planet.

Just look at terrorists. What do they suicide bomb for? Because of ideals. Because no one wants to listen to them. No one wants to accept them. No one wants to understand them. However, let me say this first: I DO NOT condone their actions/methods.

All they want is acceptance.

Who doesn't want acceptance.

Straight? Bi? Homo? Muslim? Christian? Atheist? Buddhist?

No matter what, everyone needs to be accepted.

Everyone wants to.

Some people shun ugly people. They're biased against another race. They're also biased against people who don't believe the same way as they do.

But these people should do well to look at themselves in the mirror.

They aren't as beautiful/handsome as they think they are.

Even though you are accepted, accept others in return.

Make the world a better place.

Though it's easy to say it, start with yourself.

No matter how weird, how ugly the person looks, accept them.

THAT is world peace.

2012-01-17T21:03:00.000+08:00

幸せは何？
不思議の気持ですね？

Happiness is a strange feeling.
It makes you feel euphoric.
Almost as if everything is perfect in this world and you have no worries at all.

But where does the feeling go the next day? How can I relive that feeling again when I wake up the next day?
What is it that gives us the feeling of happiness?

When the feelings of happiness disappear, worries begin to set down again.
Even more pressurising than before, looming down over you even stronger.

Happiness is indeed a strange feeling.

It cannot be described straight to the point. It's almost as if it's meant to be indescribable, almost as if it's not supposed to be explained. It's a wonderful feeling. It's just like a drug; a legal drug that does not need you to inject it into your bloodstream.

It's a drug produced in your body. But when the effects are gone, it's just like having a hangover.
You start to remember every worry you have, then as they set down upon you again, the euphoric feeling is gone. Turns into dust, dissipates into the air.

Yet, how can one attain a lifetime of happiness, without needing to worry for anything?

2012-01-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

"Dream as if you'll live forever,
live as if you'll die today."

Compared to others, my childhood was blissful. Only that I didn't know how to appreciate it, that's all. Others lived in worse conditions than I did. At least we were able to get by per month even with my hospitalisation bills since I was born all the way till I got past kindergarten.

If only I realised earlier that the reason why my mum got a job was not because she didn't want to face me at home, but rather, all our money has been wasted on me, a 6 month premature baby who survived up till now. Until 2 years ago did I learn all their savings and MediSave account savings were all used up on me.

I didn't appreciate the life I had.
I didn't know how to.

I thought life was simple as a child. I thought I could get anything I wanted. Although when I asked, they said I would spoil anything that I had on my hands. Yes, that was true. However, what I didn't realise is that they could not afford to give me such things.

Perhaps back then I was too young to think. But at an age of 15, 3 years ago, I should have been able to think. Not as a child, but as an adult. Think of what my parents were going through. Think about what I've actually done to them. Think about how much money they wasted on me.

Though I am grateful to still be here today, I can't say that this was a life that was given to me for free. It was given to me for a huge price. 2 operations, half-yearly checkups and medication. All that must've costed a lot.

I'm still 3 years away to my 21st birthday. I could probably make amendments. Might be too late, I don't know. But for all I know, these 3 years are all that I have. Why? I want to do it before they completely let go of my hand. A hand I might not be able to grasp again.

2012-01-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

"このままだと自分だけじゃなくてこの世界壊れるだろう

信頼できないデカい未来、夢はあるけど。。。"

Change.

It's a general term at best.

Changing how I look at life, changing my attitude towards others.

Back in secondary school, I used to think that life is like a brick.

Nothing can change it, since "fate" has already decided what path you should go.

That belief became stronger when I got into secondary 3, and failed to get into a English-Literature class due to there "not being enough teachers."

I was frustrated at the fact that I couldn't get in, and thus, literally drifted through my secondary 3 life, getting bad grades and almost failing the final year examinations. I constantly cursed my fate, asking why I couldn't get into the class I wanted, and asking why the world is so unfair to me.

I also took what other people said as my own words, and from there, I kept repeating the same words over and over again. I didn't know what to do, nor did I know when to stop.

Up until secondary 4, when the O levels came, then I realised: my life is in my hands. Nothing and no one can mould it except for myself.

Fate is life itself.

Life is just like water. Constantly unpredictable and forever flowing. However, that does not mean that I can't store the water inside a bottle. What the bottle is shaped is how the water is shaped.

In order to have faith in my own future, the water must be stored into a bottle of the shape I want. Constantly changing the shape of the bottle, constantly changing my outlook on life.

2012-01-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

This time, I won't be moping over the past.
This time, I will move forward.
I will change myself.

From the past, I was always thinking about what happened in the past, not even realising at times that when I hit a brick wall, my instant reaction would be to turn back and find a way to get around the brick wall.

Things have changed once I entered polytechnic. Perhaps it was the influence of friends. Perhaps it was the sudden change in lifestyle that had me going. I will no longer turn away from brick walls. Nor will I look back so hard on the past any longer.

Things have changed.

But thinking about it, nothing can change the past no matter how much I think about it. But sometimes, in order to fulfil the present, the past must be pondered over, even though it can never be changed.

And a really good piece of advice was given to me today.
"There's more to life than letting somebody else live your dreams for you."

If I want to fulfil my dreams, the first thing that has to change is not the world, nor the people around me. The first thing that has to change is me. I have to change.